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Archive for June, 2010

not knowing

So according to my Chicago training plan I should 2 or 3 weeks into the training by now.

To be quite honest, I’m not really keeping track these last couple of weeks. I’m running, not according to any set plan right now, as life has kind of gotten in the way as it has a way of doing sometimes. I figure as long as I keep up with it for the majority of the time and really hunker down come July 1, I’ll be good to go.

Besides that, my running buddy has been on hiatus for the past couple weeks or so. Unfortunately that damn MS is acting up, and he recently had a little flare up which has put the running on hold for a bit.

There are about a hundred different reasons that MS is frustrating, and I’m sure Matt could rattle off a whole bunch for you. One of the things that I struggle most with, other than feeling kind of completely helpless in that I can’t make this one thing better for the man I love, is the not knowing.

The fact that things can change so quickly. Like, overnight quickly. One day we’re walking around the city together getting a frozen yogurt, painting our new place, running half marathons, doing a freaking MS 8 mile walk, and, the next week he can’t feel his legs.

It’s like that. You snap your fingers and BOOM, there goes the feeling.

And we’re getting used to the unpredictability of it, but damn if it isn’t frustrating. We’re learning what things work and what things don’t. Running yourself ragged after literally running yourself 13.1 miles a week earlier, probably not one of the Things That Work.

I guess, I have to believe, that there is this period where there will be a lot of trial and error going on. Because before last October? I didn’t know much at all about MS. I knew that my college exboyfriend’s mother had it, but I didn’t know much more. Now? Now I know more than ever about it. I’ve written papers for nursing school on the subject, I’ve overcome my fear of needles and have taken to playing nurse with Matt on a weekly basis, shooting him up with his MS drugs. I’ve read and researched and know so many little details about this thing. Still, as much knowledge as we’ve gained, it still doesn’t prepare you for the unknown, the shock you feel when one morning you wake up and sensory feeling is just…gone.

I look at it like this. If nothing else, this thing will give us the opportunity to hunker down and just relax. Stop the go-go-go that we always have going on, and just live in the moment for a bit. He gets the prescribed IV of steroids and with that, a prescription to take it easy, and I get the chance to do the same with him. It’s almost nice in a way to have this excuse (not that I’d EVER wish this upon him), but it’s nice to have this “reason” to just take it easy. It’s forcing us both to be more mindful of how we take care of ourselves, and it’s helping us even more, as a special sweet side effect, to take better care of each other.

Because who knows what tomorrow will bring. One day at a time, right?

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Oops?

I’m still alive and haven’t fallen off the face of the earth or gotten stuck in the Sex and the City vortex (was that seriously one of my last posts here?).

I’m alive and well and I took just under a two week vacation from running, and now I’m back to it when I can fit it in. Which hasn’t seemed all too often lately, but I’m of the “keep calm and carry on” mentality these days (or that’s what I’m telling myself anyway), so I’m trying not to stress.

(“Trying” being the key word here.)

I did get in an 8 mile run last weekend which went just fine. And this weekend is supposed to be something like 100 and fifty bajillion degrees so there’s something to look forward to…?!?!

I’m trying these days to stress less about the runs that I miss and focus more on the good runs that I do get in.

Afterall, for the next just over four months (eighteen weeks, 126 days, etc. etc. if you’re wondering) running is going to be on my brain. Chicago will be here before we know it, so it’s not like I’m going to just check out on training. I think what I needed was a little break from the accountability of it all. Accountability, very well and good in its own right, sometimes takes the fun out of things, no? I go to work because I have to, because I need to be there, because The Man says so, not because it’s necessarily FUN day in and day out.

So I didn’t want running to get like that for me.  It hadn’t.  But I didn’t want it to. Yes, I need to be accountable to a very real degree, seeing as how I’m training my body to run 26.2 consecutive miles. But at the same time, I was craving a little bit of freedom with it. I’ve learned, after all this training, that I can skip a weekly run here and there and still run a damn good long run on the weekend. I’ve learned, that it’s okay to cut my ten mile run two miles short because I’d rather be watching The Hills. I’ve learned, that pushing myself extra hard on the last mile home makes that bowl of icecream taste even better. I’ve learned, that the more pressure that I put on myself does not necessarily always equal a better result. Sometimes? Sometimes it could equal burnout, and that’s not a place I wanted to be. So before I got there, I took a little time out, and I’ve come back with a better outlook. Funny how that happens, no?

Anyway. Here I am. Enjoying the lovely weather today, being thankful for my wonderful friends and family and especially my Matt. We’re having such a great time living together.  I’m here, living in the moment and trying like mad not too be too hard on myself these days. Afterall, isn’t the whole point of things to be kind to yourself, to nurture our own needs, so that we can be at peak performance for everything else we have to face on a daily basis? I think so.

I’m working on it.

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You guys!

Today is National Running Day!

I didn’t get a chance to celebrate with a run this morning, and I’m not sure I’ll get around to it tonight, but here, look! Runner’s World gives a whole slew of tongue-in-cheek ideas of what YOU can do to celebrate today!

My favorite?

"Throw rocks at people on bicycles. Boo, biking! Yay, running!"

Hope you all are able to get out there today to do some sort of running to celebrate this day! I might just need to take a raincheck and celebrate a day late, but I’m still planning on making it count!

I’ll be back (for real this time), with tales of our half marathon last weekend, the compression sleeves that I finally tried out, and the inside scoop on newly cohabitated bliss!

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